Stupid mind, no? Never lets you forget stuff. You’re torn between remembering something because it was so beautiful and wanting to forget it as it’s pointless. Gah. (Remember Mr. Goon, anyone?)

Sigh. I wish today would stop feeling like yesterday.

Scat, vamoose, Yesterday, I know you don’t exist. Go away.

P.S. - I shall post something which makes sense sometime. Soon. Maybe another lame attempt at humour. Bear with me meanwhile!

Things go up. Things come down. Sun shining. Clouds moving. Sky bright.
You look up. He looks down. It looks there.
You wonder. He muses. She broods. It thinks.
Tears. Worry. Sorrow. Laughter. Life. Melting-pot.
You. Me. He. She. We. They.
Death. God. End. Birth. End?
Giggles. Whispers. Kisses. Pleasure. Pain. Circle. Joy. Roses.Thorns.
Point? Pointless? Point.

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He looked up at the sky. The feeling of helplessness grew. It consumed him. He heart felt heavy, like it was weighing him down. ‘It's moved closer to my stomach’, he thought, ironically amused.
Helplessness. He wrote it in the air with his finger taking care to make the‘s’s nice and loopy. He drew it again. In a circle surrounding him as he whirled around. He laughed. Again. And again.

A world without Harry Potter

Said granny to the child,

‘What a world you do live in!

No fun, suspense, excitement within

Oh, alas! Potter has gone.

Long ago, afore you were born

A lad who was called Harry,

The hearts of kids did he carry

Turned this world into magic,

Oh, mind you, it was no gimmick,

Ooh, we waited on tenterhooks,

What will happen in the next book?

Aah, we too have the books you say?

But let me tell you if I may,

You do know Sirius dies in the fifth,

And Albus in the sixth?

Alas, the world you do live in

With no fun, excitement within,

Oh, Harry Potter has gone…

Happiness

Happiness… the one word which is man’s eternal quest. Happiness…in a glistening rain-drop, in the wind through my hair, in my mom’s loving, indulgent smile, in a haunting tune, in a bird’s wings…Yes, very common sounding; like something out of a bollywood movie with a silly happy ending.

I rarely preach. Or get senti and philosophical. But when I do, I just have to keep talking. Yup, this is indeed one of those moments.

Haven’t lived much; don’t know the miseries of life yet. Not old enough for my talks to be considered wise either. Yet,

‘Life’s beautiful, go live it’, I say, however clichéd it sounds.
‘You’re a baby’, they mock.

Happiness, solace, peace… they don’t come to you. There’s nothing on earth or anywhere else that can make you happy. No miracle will happen to change your life for the better. Period.

It’s so simple. You should just want to be happy. To believe in life. To love yourself. To love life.

No! I’m not talking about counting your blessings. I’m not even saying that you look at all the miseries in the world and be happy that you do not have those. It’s not about being selfish and shutting out everything either.

Confused? Nope, it isn’t confusing. It’s so bloody simple that you just don’t believe it.

Indeed, there’s a lot of sorrow in this world. Lots of reasons to be sad. (No sarcasm.) Ugly faces of human nature. Wicked people. Insensitive people. Broken friendships. Broken hearts. Poverty. Pain. Diseases. Death. And lots of horrible things that I don’t even know about.

We all have our hard times. But we continue to live. People who you see happy aren’t like that because they’re lucky. There’s a saying in Kannada, ‘yellara maneya dose toothu’ which translates to, ‘Dosas in every house have holes’. It’s the same story everywhere. In every home. Within every individual.

I know it’s useless to preach. I know I shall be thought primitive, materialistic, less emotionally literate etc. etc. That people who are depressed will never get the simple key to happiness. Only because they don’t want it. Only because they don’t try. It’s just so sad…

(P.S. please don’t quote examples like a person’s entire family dying in a car crash and he finding it impossible to be happy. This argument has its obvious boundaries.)

A Driving Test- II

(This is part two of my Driving Test series. For part one, click here.)

Six months had almost gone by and I had blissfully forgotten about my license. One day I casually looked at my learner’s license.

‘OMG, it expires in a few days!!’
‘Hurry.’

So I reluctantly called up the driving class waala and he asked me to shell out more money.
‘What the hell! This is such a waste’ I thought, again.

Now, I own a gearless scooter (kinetic style for the over curious) which’s pretty simple to drive. Hell, it’s ridiculously simple. Also, I’ve driven for about two years. Hence failing the exam wasn’t even considered.

It has two stands. One: a side stand. Easy to operate. (Side stand is nothing but like the one you have in a bicycle.)

Two: a ‘big’ stand. Oh, how shall I describe this one? It’s the stand on which you can rest the whole vehicle. You push the stand down with your foot and slide the hind portion of the vehicle on it. Maybe, the pic will give you a better idea.

I cannot operate the big stand. I’ve tried zillions of times. I can’t. I’ve tried to get what is famously called as ‘the knack’ for operating it but with little success. ‘Push the stand down and pull the vehicle ever so slightly, yeah just like that and there you are! Just move your left hand a little and simultaneously push the stand down with your right foot using all your strength and use your right hand to gently pull the vehicle.’ Noooooo…

I went to the RTO office with my Dad and a lady representing the driving class waala was present.

‘You have all your documents?’
‘Yes.’ (I’d double checked, not wanting to suffer like the last time!)

I was asked to sit in a room with a few others who were applying for it. In my mind, I casually went through the sentences my next blog entry would contain, ‘I sat there, brimming with confidence, surprisingly, not in the least bothered about the test. Driving is a piece of cake, just like walking. I looked around, patiently and without fidgeting, just waiting for the imminent things to follow- the inspector asking me to drive, the look of admiration on his face at the ease with which I drive and him handing the license to me like a medal.’

‘You? Permanent license?
I slowly clicked save a draft in my mind and followed him.

The driving class lady appeared again. (As to why I was asked to grace that room I have no idea. Must be some age-old ritual they follow. Maybe to test my endurance-how long I can sit thus which in turn would show the maximum amount of time I could sit in my vehicle and drive. You get it?)

‘You have no problems driving, right?’
‘Oh no, not at all.’

‘I can’t operate the big stand but that hardly matters, no?’
‘What?? What do you mean you can’t operate the big stand?’
‘I mean I can’t operate the big stand.’
‘But they’ll ask you that. What will you do if the auto-start button stops working and you have to kick-start the vehicle?’
‘Err, lock it and fetch a mechanic?’
‘No, the inspector won’t take that for an answer.’
‘But why is it important?’ I was beginning to get infuriated.
‘What will they do if I say I can’t do it?’
‘They’ll fail you.’

And for the first time in my life I worried about passing an exam. Sounds very nerdy, I know...
No, I didn’t want to fail an exam!

‘Go and try. It’s not so difficult.’
So I went and huffed and puffed, pulled and pushed the vehicle with all my might.
Unnnh. Uuuuuunh. No result.

‘Why are you suffering so much? It is so easy.’
‘It is a heavy vehicle’, I said, scowling. Not like yours. Let’s see you do it.’
She came and operated it like she’d done it all her life. I was astounded. (But if truth be told, she was shaped like a wrestler. For all those of you who don’t know me, I’m thin, frail and malnourished looking.)
‘Your stand is easier to operate than mine’, she said pompously, ‘my stand is harder’.

I tried once more.
‘Crash, bang.’
‘Ok, please don’t try anymore.’

Angrily, I came back. I hate giving up. I gave her an ‘It’s entirely your fault’ look. She was nonchalant. (Indeed, she could have knocked me down with just a swipe.)

‘Just pray that you don’t get the strict inspector. If he comes…’
‘Hmmm’ (WTF?? If he comes, I’ll jolly well tell him that I can’t operate it and finish it right there.)

Finally, the inspector arrived.

‘Can you drive around and show me?’
‘Yes. I go like this and come back from there?’ I said pointing.
‘Yes.’

Confidently, I started the engine and drove. I’ve done this so many times… Switching on the indicators at the right times, slowing down and not overtaking, neither over speeding nor dangerously slow, I put up a marvellous show of driving (Jayashree, thy name is modesty!). I came back to see him sign the license.

Bingo! I’d done it!
I came back, a war heroine. The license would be given to me in a few days, I was told.

Five days later.

License in hand. None in the bush.( Oh, I love PJs)

Yay! No more visits to the RTO, no hunting around for weird documents, no giving money to the driving class and pretending it’s not a bribe, no worrying if my ears are visible in photographs…

I opened the little book which was my precious driving license.

Miss Jayashree Bhat ( ‘Miss’ looks curiously like alias. I swear, I kid you not.)

Wife/daughter of

S/O Mr. Bhat.

Miss Jayashree Bhat and Son of Mr. Bhat? Rather an interesting combination, no?

Oh, why me??

An old diary entry

I kept a diary for some time last year (Aug 14th to Sep 3rd). Didn't feel like writing in it after some time. It was a pointless diary as I sounded just like I do in my blog. I started a diary to write about anything and everything I felt without inhibitions. I discovered that I just couldn't do that, however much I tried. It was pretty much like I'd writte it for someone else to read and i decided to drop it, relying on the diary in my mind.

Feeling highly reminiscent, of 12th and school. It was written during the first month of college. I have changed! My old friends don't agree but I know I have. Oh, I digress. Here's the old entry.

Sunday, August 20, 2006
12:01:28 PM

Today is Sunday. Bliss… no college, no work to do… just laze around… can’t believe that I was sick of hols just a few weeks back. But no, I definitely don’t want more holidays. I love college life. I was heartily sick of the holidays when the days stretched out in front of you. For how long can you enjoy your hols? When I was in 12^th, I used to think that once my hols were over, I’d have great fun, party like crazy etc, etc. nothing of that sort happened. Instead, there was just a dull realization that 12^th was over, once and for all. All the times when I slogged, I used to think, ‘just a few more weeks. And I’ll be free’. But the sense of freedom didn’t really dawn on me or anything. I didn’t say, ‘yahoo’, jump and punch the air or anything. Even now, when I look back, I feel 12^th was fun in its own way. Getting up bleary-eyed in the morning, gobbling up two slices of bread and half a cup of coffee, running (rather, driving my kinetic style) to college 2 minutes before class began, trying to give a proxy to a lucky friend, criticizing teachers, going to the canteen to get chocolates to eat in between classes, gossiping, getting classes cancelled, running home to have a hurried lunch before running back to Subbat’s maths tuition (one of the few classes I really enjoyed), going home to have a snooze for about an hour ( I’d fall asleep in class otherwise), getting up with great difficulty, going to Kedilaya’s IIT tuition where I struggled to understand the finer aspects of calculus, stoichiometry, magnetic effects of electric current and the like, the break where we got a few seconds o respite cracking PCM related jokes, ‘he fell down because his momentum, center of mass and force applied were equal to….’ , going back home only to be greeted by a pile of assignments, records and timetables of exams- grim reminders of pending work, slowly resigning to the fact that sleep was a distant dream, settling down on my study table, doing some work and finally when I knew that it was pointless staying up as I wasn’t taking in anything, dragging my feet to bed. Getting up next morning with dark circles around my eyes….

Whew, I felt tired just typing that. Can’t believe that I really led a life like that for 2 years…
12^th is nice to look back at… I have good memories of 12^th. I mean, I don’t feel like I’ve come out of hell or anything. Surprising, considering that it is every 12^th standard student’s heartfelt wish for everything to get over.

I repeat, 12^th is nice to look back at…

Jayashree

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I suddenly miss school! Sigh. I miss school friends. And college friends (No, silly. College isn't over. I'm not that old. They've just gone home for hols.)

I wish... Oh, never mind, the list is too long. Just wish I could live one more day of school, one more day of laughter with my school friends...

(Sorry, messed up the font and the font size earlier and was in a hurry so didn't preview the post.)

Don't read

Seriously, don’t read this. One, I’m highly frustrated as I write this. Two, if you read this and don’t comment, I shall get more frustrated. (And how shall I know if you’ve read it? I possess powers you know not,ok? And no giggling allowed, too)

Here’s a list of things which drive me round the bend.

Windows’ ‘Are you sure?’ message. I am god dammed sure. I’m not mad to click on the delete button otherwise.

Orkut’s Bad, bad server. No donut for you.
I don’t want a donut. Please believe me. I hate them. I’d rather have chocolate chip cookies. Or cold coffee.
No donut for you?? (Repeats to increase the effect of incredulity.)

Getting disconnected when
1) You’ve almost finished downloading a HUGE file- 98% complete and…. Aaaargh.
2) You’re chatting and your friend says mysteriously, ‘you know, I wanted to tell you something….’ Poof. And she was just about to spill the beans because she couldn’t keep it secret any longer. Surely, by the time you have reconnected she’ll say, ‘never mind. I shouldn’t be talking about all this anyway.’ Grrrr.
Who knows how many lives have been destroyed forever this way? Imagine you’re quarelling with your special someone (ahem, ahem) and he says in a fit of anger, ‘I never want to talk to you again.’ And you’re about to clear things up with one magical sentence. Snap. You’re signed out. Disconnected. The rest is better left unsaid.

Continuous rains. Really, how can it rain so much in Manipal? Please, give us a break sometimes so that we can go out without gazing upwards every two minutes in trepidation.
It is NOT nice to be grounded due to rains. (Forget everything I said about solitude and the like.)

Finding insects in your plate or drink. Ew! I seem to have an insectomagnetic field around me. Don’t you dare laugh. They follow me everywhere!

Scene 1

I’d gone to a house to pay a social visit.
‘What do you want? Coffee?’, asked the hostess.
‘No, just a glass of water.’ (Oh, I loathe badly made coffee. Wait. I can write a whole post on that. Watch this space for more details.)
I smiled and said what a lovely day it was indeed, the weather was just right etc etc. and I proceed to lift the glass upto my dainty lips. (James Bond music in the background.) Some external force seized me and I looked into the glass. Ewwww, a dead insect with wings and many legs.

‘Um, there’s an insect in the water.’
‘Oh, I’m so so sorry. Here, give it to me’ and she handed me another glass. Closing my mind against the image of the floating insect, I drank the water.

Scene 2

As a child, I had this habit of opening beans before I ate them.

Hmm, this post is getting a lil’ too yucky. Never mind the beans. I found something not-so-nice in it. That’ll suffice, I guess. (Wipes a tear from her right eye.)
I have many more of insect tales (maybe I can begin an animation series like duck tales. PJ, I know. (there, I’ve nullified the effect of the PJ by accepting it’s one and making you smile, anyway. Smart, no?))

But next time you see me bring a morsel close to my eye and turn it around in my fingers to observe it from all angles and maybe even cut it into smaller pieces (there could be something inside, you know), you’ll know what I’m doing.

Ooh, how could I forget this one? Guys in Orkut wanting friendship. Dude, go get a life! How desperate can you get? There was this absolute pervert who approached me on Orkut. *shudder*

I think I’ll switch my loyalty to Facebook very soon…

Hiccups. Always at the wrong times. I was talking to an old school friend after ages and I go hic, hic, hic-a-hic. Nothing works, I tell you! Not even glassfuls of water or holding my breath till I look asphyxiated. Grr.

That brings us to the end of the list. Aaah, it feels good. Nothing like a good yelling session to make you feel better. I can’t believe I have nothing more left to list. Ho hum, I’ll find something else to whine about very soon. But no, that’s another post!